12 Superpowers You Can Actually Buy

What if I told you there are tools out there—gear you can actually buy—that gives you superpowers? Not metaphorical ones. Real-deal, life-enhancing, force-multiplying abilities. I’m going to break down 12 “superpowers” you can get your hands on, each tied to a piece of tactical gear. It's smart, it's fun, and if you're serious about readiness or just love cool gear, this one’s for you.

1. Firearms – Emperor Palpatine  

A gun gives you the power to be violent at a distance. Like Emperor Palpatine shooting lightning from across the room, a firearm multiplies your force potential, making it your first and most obvious superpower. Nearly all other superpowers on this list are supplementary to having a firearm. Think about it what you could do with a firearm if you could time travel (might be a little irrelevant), but what if you went back to save Rome?

Hey, a man can dream…

2. Thermal Vision – The Predator

Bad guys can run, but they can’t hide—not when you have thermal vision. With a thermal optic, you can see heat signatures through darkness, smoke, heavy brush, you name it. You can sweep the area around you, and anything that is not the same temperature as the sounding area, you’re going to see it…from like a long way off.

You can do everything from clip it onto your rifle, pair it with a night vision monocular (though that might get trippy), or use it as a handheld. You too can see like the Predator if you spend the coin.

3. Camouflage – Batman

You guys know I love ninjas, and the best superhero that embodies camouflage is the trained ninja master himself, Batman. He’s a master of camouflage; you never see him coming, and you can’t fight what you can’t see. Whether you're in the woods or urban terrain, blending in is a massive force multiplier.

4. Body Armor – Superman

While maybe not exactly as good as Superman, body armor gives you the ability to take bullets to the chest and keep going. It’s a second chance at life when things go sideways. However, it doesn’t give you laser vision or allow you to fly; it actually will slow you down, so maybe it’s not like Superman at all.

But if you happen to get shot in your vitals while wearing body armor, you won’t die. So, yay for that.

5. Magnification Optics – Legolas

With a rifle scope, binoculars, or a spotting scope, you’ll see your enemies before they ever see you, and that gives you the power of Legolas. With magnification you can see bad guys at crazy far distances, and then you can shoot them…just like Legolas.

You may be flying solo, but you won’t be flying blind because you have Legolas eyes and can see the bad guys coming before they see you.

6. Night Vision – Judge Dredd

Most bad guys operate under cover of night. How would you like to be able to see in the dark? Night vision gives you that advantage, which gives you the edge. This goes back to seeing the enemy before they see you. You want to win a gunfight in the dark or sneak up on your enemies? You need night vision.

Sure there are plenty of superheroes out there that can see in the dark, but I really like Judge Dredd. Slap on your helmet and rock the Judge Dredd look. You are now the law…in the dark.

7. GPS – Aragorn

The Lord of the Rings is getting some love from me today. How would you like to know where you are and where you are going at all times? Consider Aragorn son of Arathorn (You owe him your allegiance).

He is like a human GPS! He never had a map, never had a compass, he just knew exactly where he was all the time. Navigation is a superpower, especially when things go grid-down.

With a GPS, you become Aragorn—always knowing where you are, where you’re headed, and how to get there. No maps or Elvish intuition required.

Listen guys…hear me on this…you could be Aragorn, son of Arathorn, wielder of Andúril—the Flame of the West, the blade that was broken, reforged—, Chieftain of the Dúnedain of the North, Lord of the Westlands, Isildur’s Heir, King Elessar of the Reunited Kingdom of Arnor and Gondor, Lord of the House of Telcontar, Lord of the White Tree, known by many names: Strider, Wingfoot, Envinyatar, Estel, and Thorongil, who took the fight right to Sauron at the Black Gates of Mordor and ushered in a new peace in the Fourth Age of Men.

True story guys…GPS.

8. Communications – Professor X

Now, I think this would blow Aragorn’s mind if I’m honest. Radios and cell phones let you speak with your team at distance, even across the planet with the right tools. You don’t have to send a messenger or confusing smoke signals. And you probably have something like this at your disposal already. But I would encourage you to explore emergency measures in the category or to double down on security and privacy.

Just like Professor Charles Xavier reads minds and transmits thoughts, so too do communications devices allow you to communicate with those far away. Communications are a super big deal and likely the superpower you will need most often.

9. Explosives – The Helm’s Deep Berserker Orc

How would you like to blow stuff up? From military-grade demo charges to civilian Tannerite, explosives are literal force multipliers. While I’ve played with all the cool military explosives like shape charges which can put a hole in the world, now I’ve really only got access to Tannerite which is like demo with training wheels. But at least it’s something, and when in doubt just use more and more of the stuff.

Explosives can defend a perimeter, create access points, and—as we saw at Helm’s Deep—can completely turn the tide…

…until your hit by a Rohirrim calvary charge…
…from the east…
…on the first light of the third day…
…led by Gandalf the White…

10. Barrier-Penetrating Rounds – Cyclops

It is a superpower to have a weapon that shoots a bullet that can punch through ballistic barriers. Got a bad guy behind cover? With the right round and platform, you punch right through it. Like Cyclops from X-Men, you turn barriers into open spaces. Cover becomes concealment. Game-changer.

“Those Level IV plates?”

11. Medical Gear – Lucy Pevensie

Like a firearm, even when I can’t have a firearm, medical is always with me. Tourniquets, trauma kits, AEDs—these are your real-world superpowers that might be the most affordable on this list. When someone’s bleeding out, literally dying, you can save them from the clutches of death.

You become Lucy from Narnia, saving lives with what you carry. You’re probably taller than Lucy and haven’t seen any talking lions, but you could save yourself and others from death, so that’s really cool.

12. Fitness Tools – The Strength of 10 Men

Here’s a force multiplier for you, imagine you had super strength. Fitness is definitely a force multiplier. I recognize that this list has been about gear and things you can hold in your hand, so this has to be some type of tangible thing. The only thing I can think of is steroids, but don’t take steroids.

Look, I get it, fitness isn’t gear, but fitness is a real superpower. Strength, speed, endurance—it turns you from average Joe to on-mission superhero. Don’t neglect this. Don’t go out and buy all these superpowers then die because your body failed you at the time you needed it most.

Bonus Superpower: Gas Mask – Darth Vader

Though not in the official twelve but worth a nod—a gas mask. It keeps you from dying from chemical weapons. Who wore one everywhere? Darth Vader. Sure, he had a lightsaber, but the mask gave him his ominous, unstoppable presence. Dude could breath in space…just saying…but don’t try that with a gas mask.

Final Thoughts: Buy Superpowers, Not Just Guns

This is all good fun here, but don’t fall into the trap of stockpiling firearms and forgetting the rest. Instead, focus on building out your gear in ways that genuinely expand your capability. Think like a tactician. Train like a warrior. Equip like a superhero. And remember: not all superpowers come with capes—some come with Pelican cases.

Remember, Train Hard. Train Smart. A get some superpowers.